For all that shall matter

Near the end of ‘The King and I’, Mrs Anna reads a letter from the King he has written from his death bed. There is a line that goes: “It occurs to me that there shall be nothing wrong that man shall die, for all that shall matter about man is that he shall have tried his best.”

In the last 72 hours, the ‘King and I’ tour has been cancelled because all UK theatres shut their doors to help slow the spread of Covid-19 in the UK. We have had to clear our belongings, vacate our accommodation in Liverpool and make plans to leave the UK as soon as possible as panic starts to grip the nation. No one got the chance to say goodbye to the world we have spent one year breathing life into; no one got to say goodbye to each other; and no one got to say goodbye to the characters whose lives we have poured our souls into for audiences every single show for 235 shows. What is left now is emptiness, grief and isolation.

And while I have spent much of the last 48 hours holding back tears, I know that this will eventually pass and what I will have in place of that emptiness, grief and isolation is an overwhelming sense of peace, a beautiful and crystal clear memory of every moment of love and generosity I was shown and an indescribable gratitude.

In the last year, I have lived at least 10 lifetimes with ‘The King and I’. I have exceeded every single expectation I had of myself; I have learned lessons I never knew I needed to learn; I have found courage I never knew I had; I have achieved things I could not dream up and I have pushed myself past every single line that had been drawn in the sand. All this didn’t come without its price. Life isn’t a free ride and this immense and overwhelming sadness I feel now is that cost.

But I would rather feel this now than never have found that I have found, for all that shall matter about man is that he shall have tried his best.

In the face of global uncertainty

Up until a few weeks ago, my schedule for the rest of 2020 was pretty much set in stone. But recent upheaval in global health and politics have meant that I now need to make an adjustment.

The first few days were spent allowing the news to sink in and letting my mind process the impact of these circumstances that were completely out of my control. I fought the urge to react immediately. The reality was: there was no need to react immediately. But my mind and my ego craved certainty and hated feeling fear; they screamed loudly for me to “do something now!” But I also knew that allowing fear to drive my decision-making would never be useful. So I spent energy simply allowing these feelings to continually wash through and over me.

Yes - in light of recent global health and political changes, there are things that I need to do. But what? And how? Part of it was the fear of being uprooted again, of starting all over again. But I soon realized that those fears were unfounded. All the projects I have been slowly chipping away at, i.e. creating new work, establishing a foundation for ‘Healthy Inner Life Practice’, obtaining the right to work in the UK and continuing to build a personal life - all still needed attention. There were still all there.

There was no need to panic because the “what” and the “how” would be driven out of what these projects need from me.

Someone very very wise once told me: build a career that is global; create the work and the permission will come. And that is exactly what I will strive to do as I now face a new 2020.

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedcate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.

Courage takes time

When I first auditioned for the London Palladium production of ‘The King and I’ in December 2017, I was just hoping to get past the first round of auditions. Fast forward to February 2020 and I find myself preparing to do a full dress and tech run as one of the two titular characters on the UK/International tour of this timeless musical.

I keenly remember every step of this journey. I remember being completely surprised when I was sent audition material for the King in the final audition for the tour; I remember setting a goal for myself in that final audition to “immerse into the world of the character” and forget about the panel; I remember thinking and planning out what I needed to be able to accomplish that; I remember Nunt helping me with my Thai accent and Lori helping me run lines in my hotel room to the point where the front desk had to call us to tell us we were speaking so loudly it was disturbing the other guests; I remember being so nervous in the audition waiting room that my left leg could not stop shaking; I remember walking out of that audition room as if I had come out of a daze and only remembering that I had succeeded in achieving my goal; I remember sitting in as many King rehearsals as I could in London; I remember starting to work on memorizing the lines for the King in April; I remember every time Miiya and I ran lines between scenes in the corridor; I remember re-visiting and revising my character back story countless times; I remember making it a point to watch the choices that Jose, Kok Hwa, Ken and Darren made as King and lining it up against my own choices; I remember endlessly running blocking for the King; I remember watching the “Shall We Dance” video a thousand times to break down the marks we had to hit (and the pillars we had to avoid) and I remember breaking down each moment of the whipping scene so that I could be as clear as possible about the King’s physical, emotional and spiritual journey for the emotional climax of the show.

For the run, i set myself 2 goals: to treat it as a show and to walk away proud of what I had done.

Full disclosure: I accomplished both.

I also kept reminding myself to take away the pressure to deliver a perfect show. I watched the performances of Jose, Kok Hwa, Ken and Darren evolve over time. They have lived with the role and the show a lot longer than I have. So to expect myself to deliver something as nuanced, refined and holistic as what they would deliver would be entirely unrealisitic. It was something to aim for (like a 3rd goal) but it was more akin to a huge stretch target.

It would be extremely easy to get carried away and start to get ahead of myself. Yes, it is important to ask the questions, to keep pushing myself and to dream about someday playing the King on stage. But in the day to day, my eye is keenly focused on the present and what I can do to just be better.

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedcate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.

Oh Glasge, my Glasge!

When I first scrolled down the list of UK tour venues and saw Glasgow, my heart leapt for joy. Then when I found out that I would be going on as the Prime Minister for the first week of our run in Glasgow, my heart leapt once more. Of all the dreams on my bucket list, never in a million years did I EVER think that I would be ticking this one off.

And yet it happened - perfectly - in all its glory and madness. And for the past 2 weeks, while I find myself wandering the streets of Glasgow breathing in the familiar sights and sounds of Glasgow, I wonder to myself what I could have possibly done to deserve this wonderful gift.

I think I wanted this to be my way of thanking the city, her people and her spirit for the unimaginable gift of home it had given me. And not only did I get to perform for people who had believed in me and pushed me to be my best, I also got to inspire people and I got to start writing a few new chapters in this love story I have with Glasgow.

Coming home is never easy - because you leave one person and come back another. People and places that once lived in one part of my heart have now moved as I have grown. The wonderful thing about Glasgow is that she never expects me to stay the same; she wants me to change and then to come back and show her how I’ve grown.

That’s the thing about people and places that are truly your home. They embrace you for who you are now, never holding you to your past and only wishing the best for your future.

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.