As performers, we all go through periods of doubt, fear and insecurity. Actually, as human beings, we all do, and sometimes with alarming regularity.
But there will be those moments of doubt, fear and insecurity which begin to reach the part of you that is sacred. What I mean by that is that we all have parts of ourselves that we hide from the world, parts of ourselves that we keep safe from even our closest and dearest. But no matter how careful we are, we cannot always stop fear, doubt and insecurity from reaching them.
Maybe it is a deep-seated fear that you will never be successful. Maybe it is a need to prove to your loved ones that you made the right decision to be a performer. Maybe it is a dream you had as a child that never came true. Maybe it’s the fear of running out of time. Maybe it’s getting so close to a dream only to have it slip through your fingers.
And when these sacred spaces are invaded, we react. Because it’s at the core of who we are and if we can’t protect this, it challenges our entire existence and purpose - which is incredibly scary.
I am now waiting to hear about a show that I feel I am absolutely right for. Everyone I know thinks the same way and everyone is rooting for me. Friends I know have been called in to audition but I have not heard anything. As the days pass, the panic starts to rise and I start to think about every past interaction with the production team to look for possible moments I might have done something wrong, something sub-par or whether I had offended them. The last week has felt like an emotional roller coaster where I am just slave to my emotions.
If I may use the image of a one-man boat in the middle of an endless ocean - I am in the middle of a severe storm and water is leaking into the hull. I’m trying to stay afloat, trying to ride out the storm, but all I see are holes - five, then six, then seven, then ten, then fifteen and twenty. And all I know is that I have to keep myself safe.
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My name is Eu Jin. I recently embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. A big supporter of personal growth, I also dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste. If you would like to find out more or share your thoughts, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website. Thank you very much!