Can you stop from changing in ways you can't control?

Can you stop from changing in ways you can’t control?

Life can be relentless. We go through one day sometimes experiencing the full gamut of human emotion. Even if we don’t externalize it, we make multiple decisions everyday about what we experience. We react and make decisions about what we see, what we hear, what we do, what we don’t do, what we say, what we don’t say, about other people’s behaviour - essentially everything that we experience through our senses - and we compartmentalize everything because there is no time and because it is just easier to slot things into their proper place rather than have to question your judgement at every turn.

I know for a fact that the last 3 years - in particular - have changed me, some in ways I like and others in ways I don’t like. I can describe any number of days where I have felt overwhelmed with my own reaction to circumstances and behaviour. As a result, I have become more guarded, more careful, less open, less free, more reactive, more judgemental, more awkward, less human.

But there has also been an equally strong and countering force that keeps wanting to pull me back into alignment, questioning my judgement at every turn and forcing me to look at my own behaviour and reaction.

And in a world - and a career now - which relies so much on the maintaining the magic of facade, it is EVEN MORE IMPORTANT that I question my judgement at every turn.

At the end of the day, you have to take ownership, no matter how tempting and easy it is to blame someone else. It is your life and if you do not take ownership of it, someone else will and you will have given up the one thing that is truly yours.

It is exhausting. But essential. As is gentleness and forgiveness as I work through it.

And the question that matters the most is whether I want to slowly become someone who doesn’t take ownership of my own behaviour, my own words, actions and the impact that I invariably have on the world?

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.

Do your dreams and your actions line up?

It’s one thing to dream about achieving great things in life; it’s another thing entirely to accomplish them. We focus so much on having dreams, nurturing them, making sure we have space to think about our purpose, on what we want to accomplish, our legacy, etc … we talk the talk. But do we walk the walk? Do our daily actions reflect our dreams?

Of course actions aren’t the only thing that matter. Intentions do as well. But our actions are how the world judges us; our behaviour is how the world decides whether they like us or not.

So do your dreams and your actions line up? It’s a loaded, complex, interconnected question. So for a start, let’s look at the people we model our behaviour after. I can only speak for myself - and these behaviours are the ones I have found to be present in all the people I look up to:

1) The work they have chosen to do helps improve people’s lives. Whether it’s a full time job or as a volunteer, my role models are keenly aware of the talents and resources they have at their disposal, and they use them make a positive difference in the lives of the needy. It’s inspiring and daunting all at the same time, but it is a constant reminder to me that the gifts we are given are only gifts if we give them away

2) They think deeply about their own behaviour. All the time. They think before they speak, they ask themselves the hard questions about their behaviour, they unpack past trauma so that they don’t repeat it and they focus their energy on becoming better version of themselves day by day

3) They embrace their humanity. They don’t try to be perfect. They are gentle with themselves and know deep down that theirs is a life long journey.They open their own Pandora’s Box and stare into it until they can sit next to it calmly

4) They don’t stay stuck for very long, and they understand that being stuck is just a part of their journey. They have become masters of their own journey, and see value in every moment life gives them

5) They are wise to the world. They live by their own rules as much as they live within the world. They are fully aware of how the world works and have found a way to navigate its boundaries while continuing to figure out what it takes to live the life they want

6) They are intensely private; they let very very very few people into their inner sanctum, and yet command an openness that makes everyone want to be around them. They also realize just how fragile life can be, and wield a depth and a breadth of the emotional spectrum that is awe-inspiring

I am incredibly lucky to have such people in my life and when I grow up, I want to be just like them.

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.

What are you afraid of?

We live in a world that celebrates bravery. Actually no. We live in a world that celebrates bravado.

A result of that is the general unwillingness to talk about things we are afraid of. I’m not just talking about being scared in horror movies or running away from spiders. I’m talking about fears we hold deep within us, fears we don’t always even know we have, fears we don’t have a name for, fears we hide from and fears we definitely don’t want the world to know about. Why? Because everyone else lives such a ridiculously courageous life and it’s “wrong” or “weak” not to have your entire life in control.

The reality couldn’t be farther from the truth.

The last 3 years have been a conscious and continuous (read: daily) step into fear. There has not been a single day where I haven’t question my decision to leave my career in Maersk. And I’m not unique or special in this regard. Do you know what helps me to keep going? I meet people every day who make the same decisions as I do to keep stepping into their fear.

Because in doing that, we begin to debunk our fear. Rather than looking at it in the rear view mirror as we’re running away from it, we begin to face it. And if you do it long enough, the picture begins to come into focus - that rather than being a frightening nebulous being that’s going to take away everything I care about, it has slowly become someone I can understand.

So what have I learnt in the last 3 years about myself?

That I make far better decisions when I’m not reacting in fear, that I am far more resourceful than I ever thought I was, that I have GRIT, that understanding my fear brings clarity to my actions and my motivations, that I can choose the outcomes I want in life by understanding why I make decisions, that understanding my fear allows me to remain curious, child-like, joyful, grateful while retaining a clear understanding that the world isn’t always a good place, that I know the sort of people I want to truly let into my life, that letting go of some fears is the only way to accomplish what we dream about, that I am happy to be underestimated but I struggle with being misunderstood, that if we hold space for people to face their fears without judgement, we create a more loving world.

The list goes on and on.

Today, I’m not afraid to let people know that I don’t know everything or that I’m still learning. The reality is - we are all still learning. And the illusion that we have it all together is simply that: an illusion.

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.

How do you know everything will work out as it is meant to be?

A friend once asked me that after a particular challenging couple of weeks. My answer was “I don’t know how … but I know it will” following immediately by “Boy, that was a wanky answer, wasn’t it?”

I laughed it off, focused rather on not tripping over my tired feet.

Does it though – work out as it is meant to be? How do some people go through life somehow able to handle anything that life throws at them with grace – not only handle and survive, but thrive? Maybe some people just don’t it as bad as others.

It is the easiest thing in the world to start comparing. It is also incredibly arrogant, self-centred and presumptuous to assume that we can fully understand what other people are going through – to assume we know what strength it takes for them to go through life with grace, or just how close they are to snapping, or what it was that was the final straw.

So how do I know things will work out? I don’t know … but I do know that it will, even if I can’t see a way through. Maybe it comes from being able to decide what the important things in life are (and by extension what the unimportant ones are). Maybe it comes from having come through a multitude of struggle. Maybe it comes from having failed miserably time and time again. Maybe it comes from a belief in a higher power. Maybe it comes from self- belief, or maybe it comes from knowing that all “bad” things pass, or that “bad” things are only “bad” because of our personal association of the concept of “bad”. Maybe it comes from needing to believe in something other than what I see in the world.

Or maybe it’s just a combination of all of those things. The world can be an ugly place, filled with insecurity, fear, blindness, rage and the power to wield all of those things in a guttural way that hurts others – whether wilfully or not.

What I do know is that the key to it lies in my response – and that is fully within my control. No matter how disempowered I am, what I have COMPLETE control of is my response and how I want my response to reflect who I am and who I want to be.

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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.

If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.