It is a recurring theme in my life: I am always looking for something to fix about myself. I could conveniently place the blame on my Asian upbringing, but I’m in my mid 40’s and after a while, blaming my upbringing for my adult actions seems … well … just a little (A LOT) immature.
It is, however, one aspect of my life that does need daily attention. My instinct is to work hard, to buckle down, to grind it out until I get it, then grind even more until I get better. That in itself is not a bad thing. It is the association to the alternative that needs working on: subconsciously, I fear that if I let up just a little bit, I will become a complete and utter slob; I am afraid that my life won’t mean something worthwhile. It comes from having come into this career at a later age and with it, the fear of running out of time.
When things are going well - as they are right now - I often feel an even more urgent need to fill my days with meaningful “busy” work - not because I have time, but because deep down, it feels like I’m not seeing something and that I should look harder.
The reality - of course - couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m simultaneously working on multiple creative and business projects and making tremendous progress in ALL of them. Also, creative work requires space to breathe. I will always work hard and work intellectually, and in the last 20 years, I’ve slowly learnt to balance that with working differently. Hard work gets you places, but it doesn’t get you everywhere. Relying on instinct, talent, inspiration and support are just as important.
Case in point - this blog. I’d not published an entry for about a month now and I have postponed writing a new blog 6 times in the last 29 days. It just struck me today that putting pressure on myself to constantly create content goes against the very fundamentals of creating a Healthy Inner Life Practice. I’m afraid that I’ll run out of things to say, but 13 months and over 50 entries later, I still haven’t run out of things to say - so what in the world am I worried about?
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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.
If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.