I’ve felt many things in my life, but rarely have I ever felt like I completely fit in. I was always not clever enough, not fast enough, too tall, too big, too clumsy, too intense, too friendly, too Westernized, too Asian, not Asian enough, too Catholic, not Catholic enough, too loud, too soft, too emotional, not emotional enough, too logical, too playful, too disrespectful, not experienced enough, too experienced … the list goes on and on. It’s almost as though we’re meant to spend our lives in an ever revolving and perfectly balanced combination of traits to suit the needs of society in every moment of our lives.
Throughout all of that, I clung onto a vague sense of an inner self that I could neither articulate nor describe to anyone, but that I knew was constant.
But when I was told “but you’re too old to change direction”, I struggled to accept that. I could accept the rest of my “societal non-conformity”, but not this.
Perhaps it had something to do with wanting to leave a positive legacy for future generations (something important to me). Or perhaps it had something to do with feeling like I was running out of time and that I still needed time to figure out what my life was meant to mean. Or perhaps it was because I resented someone trying to rob me of what was mine and mine alone.
I needed to shift, but what became very clear was that I would not do it to prove someone wrong. People’s opinions of me were just that - opinions. It became clear that my shift needed to come from a place of knowing what that sense of inner self was.
4 years later, I’m accomplishing what most people thought was impossible. The reality is that society can say all they want. But if you take ownership of your own path and be brave enough to carve one out where there wasn’t one before, then you can call your life your own.
Too old? Pfft …
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My name is Eu Jin. I embarked on a career as a professional actor after 20 years in the corporate world. I am a big advocate of personal growth in the performing arts. I dedicate time and energy in performing arts education, specifically in the arena of practical approaches to inner health because I believe that this lays the groundwork for a sustainable career as an artiste.
If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website and a way to contact you. Thank you.