Today was meant to be the final show on the UK leg of ‘The King and I’ tour before we headed off to Taiwan for a month and then other adventures further afield. It was meant to be a day of celebrating over 300 shows, celebrating family and each other. Instead, we find ourselves spread out all over the world - having spent the last 2 months adjusting to a strange new world where ‘live’ theatre as we know it does not exist.
Days like this - it can be hard to be sensible about everything when I think about what was lost, what could have been and perhaps the even more daunting questions of when we will be able to ‘return’ to the theatre, whether it will feel remotely the same and if expecting it to feel the same does me more harm than good.
Much of my worry has stemmed from the perceived ‘interruption’ to a blossoming career in the performing arts. I could see the steps I had taken, the progress I had made and the opportunities that were beginning to open up on the horizon. I now worry that I won’t be able to step back into the race, I worry that I’ll be left behind, I worry that this is all there is to it. Like every responsible citizen of the world, I looked at every achievement merely as a set-up for the next, and I created a series of dots just so I could connect them all in a line and measure my success against the standards of the world.
I had my eyes firmly set on the future, the present - a means to the future. But I also have to live fully in the present. If I don’t take care of what I need today, I won’t be ready for the future I am trying to build. So in the past few weeks, I have made a conscious and deliberate choice to slow down. Every week since the middle of April, I have taken gentle and measured steps to stop running the race, to step off the wheel, to breathe and to listen. It has not been easy - coming off 8 show weeks, constant travel and the collective stress of COVID19. But now, I find myself now at a juncture where I can begin to devote an entire week to meditation, or at least begin the process.
I have now started to view this ‘interruption’ as a stepping stone. Stepping stones - by nature - are transitory. I don’t know how long I’ll be on this stepping stone, but I do know that I won’t be here forever. However long I stay here depends on how soon we can learn to live with COVID19, and perhaps more importantly, whether I learn the things I am meant to learn while I am here on this stepping stone.
I am reminded of something a dear colleague from the tour recently told me: “I’m content that before this happened I was doing good work, and that that will continue when this is all over.”
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My name is Eu Jin. I am a professional actor, writer, educator and coach. This blog charts my inner journey and my personal Healthy Inner Life Practice. I am committed to supporting and nurturing performing arts education - specifically in the area of career sustainabilty through practical approaches to inner health. If you would like to engage in a conversation about a healthy inner life practice, please leave me a message on the "Contact" page of my website. Thank you.